Top 50 Clean G-Rated Funny Jokes
Brighten up your day with the following Top 50 Clean G-Rated Funny Jokes that will make you Laugh.
Joke 1:
I don’t think my iPhone is working. I pressed the home button, but I’m still here.
Joke 2:
I wondered why the Frisbee was getting bigger, and then it hit me.
Joke 3:
A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.
Joke 4:
I wish I lived in a world where mosquitoes would suck Fat instead of Blood.
Joke 5:
In Bed, It 6 am. You close your eyes for 5 minutes, it’s already 7:45. At Work, It’s 1:30 pm. You close your eyes for 5 minutes, it’s still 1:31.
Joke 6:
There is no “i” in denial.
Joke 7:
I Could Give Up Chocolate But I’m Not A Quitter.
Joke 8:
I hate people who use big words just to make themselves look perspicacious.
Joke 9:
A cop just knocked on my door and told me that my dogs were chasing people on bikes. My dogs don’t even own bikes!
Joke 10:
My Bed Is A Magical Place Where I Suddenly remember Everything I Was Suppose To Do.
Joke 11:
Don’t Give Up On Your Dreams. Keep Sleeping
Joke 12:
I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
Joke 13:
The older I get, the earlier it gets late.
Joke 14:
I’m not hungry. I’m bored. Therefore I shall eat.
Joke 15:
I like having conversations with kids. Grownups never ask me what my third favorite reptile is.
Joke 16:
True friendship: Walking into a person’s house and having your Wi-fi connect automatically.
Joke 17:
Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?
Joke 18:
If you’re still looking for that one person who will change your life, take a look in the mirror.
Joke 19:
Work? Really? Again? Didn’t I Just Do That Yesterday?
Joke 20:
I Eat Cake Because It’s Somebody’s Birthday Somewhere.
Joke 21:
I’m on a whiskey diet…I’ve lost three days already.
Joke 22:
Don’t you hate it when people answer their own questions? I sure do.
Joke 23:
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and terrified, like the passengers in his car.
Joke 24:
My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.
Joke 25:
We all get heavier as we get older because there is a lot more information in our heads.
So I’m not fat,
I’m just really intelligent and my head couldn’t hold any more, so it started filling up the rest of me.
Joke 26:
My Boss Told Me To Have A Good Day… So I Went Home.
Joke 27:
I tried to lose weight…….But it keeps finding me.
Joke 28:
I’m looking for a bank loan which can perform two things..give me a Loan and then leave me Alone.
Joke 29:
I like to take the road less traveled…..helps me to avoid traffic.
Joke 30:
My laziness is like 8, when I lie down it becomes infinity.
Joke 31:
Why is Monday so far from Friday and Friday so near to Monday???
Joke 32:
Just wanted to say, you are as useless as “ueue” in a “queue”.
Joke 33:
An apple a day keeps anyone away if you throw it hard enough.
Joke 34:
Someday you’ll go far, and I hope you stay there.
Joke 35:
Zombies are looking for brains. Don’t worry, you’re safe.
Joke 36:
Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I’m tired of solving them for you.
Joke 37:
I’m So Good At Sleeping. I Can Do It With My Eyes Closed.
Joke 38:
Ever read a book that changed your life? Me neither.
Joke 39:
People are like music some say the truth and rest, just noise.
Joke 40:
I know the voices in my head aren’t real….. but sometimes their ideas are just absolutely awesome!
Joke 41:
Roses are red, Sky is blue ..Vodka is cheaper than dinner for two !!!
Joke 42:
When a bird hits your window have you ever wondered if God is playing angry birds with you?
Joke 43:
I enjoy when people show Attitude to me because it shows that they need an Attitude to impress me!
Joke 44:
Life was much easier when Apple and Blackberry were just fruits.
Joke 45:
I Loved A Girl and She Broke my heart….. Now every piece of my heart love Different Girls…. People called it Flirt That’s Not fair…
Joke 46:
Exercise…Ex…Er…Cise…Ex..Ar…Size…Eggs…Are…Sides…For…Bacon.
Joke 47:
I’m cool but global warming made me hot.
Joke 48:
Yesterday I Did Nothing And Today I’m Finishing What I Did Yesterday.
Joke 49:
I wish I had google in my mind and antivirus in my heart.
Joke 50:
My week is basically …
Monday
–>Monday#2
–>Monday#3
–>Monday#4
–>Friday
–>Saturday
–>pre-Monday.
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